When I was planning my "dream" wedding back in 1994, my mom and I butted heads -- A LOT.
You see, I had had many dreams about my wedding day -- what I would wear, where it would be, the color of my bridesmaids dresses and flowers. I went through the whole, "Rainbow Wedding," dream, the "Barefoot on the Beach," scenario and the "Sound of Music," epic idea. I toyed with the idea of a tiny roadside chapel, St. Louis Cathedral and Sacred Heart on Loyola's campus.
None of it came to fruition, however. I married a man I never dreamed of in a place I never thought of, angy at my mother.
She never had such dreams, she said. Didn't understand the fuss. She just didn't get it.
But just the other night as my little girl and I cuddled in those last minutes of the day before sleep (my favorite part of the day, mind you), I found out that I was not the only one in my family who dreams of such things. In fact, my 6-year-old daughter laid out her plans for her dream wedding -- as only a 6-year-old can.
"What color will your wedding be?" I asked her.
"I want to wear white," she said, giving me the "silly-for-asking" look.
"No. What color will your girls wear?" I asked.
"Show me your toes," she demanded, then pulled off the covers to look at my silvery toenail polish. "That color."
"What color will your flowers be?" I asked. Again I got the "silly-for-asking look."
"Mom. I think you know," said my pink-obsessed child.
"Who will be your bridesmaids?" I asked her.
We listed all of her friends -- Carolyn, Marissa, Paige, Chloe and Ashley, her half-sister.
And Courtney gets to be the flower girl.....
"But," she said. "I haven't picked the boy yet."
"You have plenty of time," I told her.
The conversation had begun in a discussion of death -- and life. Would I still be here when she graduated from high school? Would I be there at her wedding? Would Nana? Would Grandma and Pappy? Would Daddy?
"Daddies are supposed to walk with you," she said.
And I thought of Lena. and of Rhett. He got to walk me down the aisle, but not her.
We can only hope we'll all be there, I told her. I want to help you get dressed and make sure everything is just as you dream it.
Then she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep -- and dream.