A blog by Lori Lyons

Monday, March 5, 2012


I thought that I would never see
     A face this old belonging to me!
I look in the mirror and WTF I say,
     As I approach this "BIG" birthday.
I may look strong and ready to go,
     But in truth my years are starting to show.
Just follow me to the checkout at CVS
     And you'll see that I am just a hot mess.
There's dye for my hair and creams for my face,
     And stuff that promises years to erase.
I've tried all the pills to make me thin,
     And potions to make me look young again.
But my tummy still pooches and my arms still wag,
     And my Double Ds have a definite sag.
My roots turn gray every once in a while,
     And I buy special paste to brighten my smile.
And then there's that big bottle of Aleve,
     For all these aches and pains to relieve.
My hip, my knee, my back, MY FEET!!
     The neck -- Oh hell when did I get so beat?
What have I done to take this toll?
     When did I get to be so damned old?
I sowed my wild oats in Uptown Nola,
     I spent seven years of my life at Loyola!
I had a sports writing career that I loved so well,
      Until this newspaper business went all to hell.
Now I'm benched, living a live of crime,
     And wasting much of my employer's time.
I've loved handsome boys and a famous one too,
     But ended up with the one I was meant to.
 Fifty years I've lived this life,
     17 of them as Marty's wife.
Six years spent waiting for a dream,
     Years of frustration that made me want to scream.
Finally, the last 11 as Lora Leigh's mother,
     And also as a sister without a big brother.
So come on Big 50, I welcome your sight,
     I will party all through Thursday night.
No surprises in store for me this week,
     My husband is not a good enough sneak.
I planned my own celebration to have my fun,
    While The Coach is off hoping for the winning run.
I'm psyched for the fiesta with blue birthday cake,
     And also for the pre-birthday steak!
Some friends will remember and remember to call,
     Some others will just write on my Facebook wall.
It will be my own very special day,
     Well, me and Mickey Dolenz, any way.
And though I'll be happy to celebrate,
     I'm wondering how much time is left to my fate.
 So come Friday I will take good care,
     It's March the 9th and I must beware.
And to all who will wish me good birthday cheer,
     I say, "Thank You" -- until next year.



      Having a party at Yeah Write, the blog for little bloggers to find friends.
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  1. Happy Fifty! Let me know how it feels...it's coming up for me in a little over a year. Wishing you a wonderful day and year :) My brother-in-law shares the same birthday :)

    1. Thank you! Thank you! I actually do LOVE my birthday. I'm like a little kid every year. But 50 just sounds so old!

  2. LOL. Happy 50th! I assure you it's mostly painless. I really do feel that life keeps getting better as I get older. People have fewer expectations of us old people, for one thing. Hee hee. I'll be 53 later this month.

    1. oooh. I LIKE that attitude! Thanks for writing, and for the wishes!

  3. Happy Birthday! Great verse! It speaks for itself!

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  5. Happy, happy birthday! Great (and very funny) poem!

  6. Happy 50th to you!!! Every time someone turns 50 I can't help but think of the Saturday Night Live skit that Molly Shannon did. "I'm FIFTY!" she yells kicking her leg up in the air. It's hilarious...I dare you do that on the night of your birthday bash. ;) My Mom did it ALL NIGHT the night she turned 50 and I almost DIED every time.

    I hope you have a kick ass birthday - your poem was awesome.

    1. OK. Will be Googling that in the a.m.... I might just have to do that at the restaurant. Won't my 11 year old just love that. Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  7. Loved it! And don't think I missed the Mickey Dolenz reference. He'll need some cheering up this week, methinks.

    Happy Birth-Week!

    1. Thank you Kristin! Mickey Dolenz was always the only person I knew with my birthday. Strange. At least he's still here!

  8. Happy happy 50th Lolo!! Love your poem.

  9. Love how you captured everything. The beginning that spoke of all the creams, etc. that we buy to treat ourselves made me laugh out loud a bit. Happy Birthday!

  10. I think they should make "Visible Lift" for the entire body...

  11. I LOVE that you celebrated yourself like that. Forget the party and the cake (and the steak) that was an awesome tribute to YOU.

    Happy Happy!!!!

    ~The G is Silent

  12. Any girl who can write a poem to herself is a true Sister in my 'hood. Nice work!! You are funny, puny, and all kinds of cool. Fifty looks good on you from where I am sitting, Erin

  13. This was all kinds of awesome! I love seeing people celebrate their age. Good for you! Sure beats dead, eh? Excellent post. Happy 50th Birthday to you!!