Calgon, take me away!

So, you may have heard this story about this Pennsylvania mom who went to the grocery store and didn't come back. For two weeks. She was found yesterday.

No, nothing horrible happened to her. She's safe and sound. Right as rain. Hungover maybe?

It seems she just decided "she needed to get away." Her life got to be too much and she decided she needed a little vacation. So, she left the husband, left the house, the kids, the car, the dog (if she has one) and the mother-in-law (maybe) and took her little ol' self to Florida. Alone. Without telling anybody where she was going or when she'd be back. Or if.


She is my hero. Really.

Imagine that.

No, really. Imagine that. 

I am.

I can so picture myself walking out and leaving behind my house with the bad plumbing and the broken heater, my snarky tween who ignores me every chance she gets, my puppy who refuses to pee outside, the neurotic poodle who ate my bowl of tuna yesterday, my mother-in-law who threw a bonafide temper tantrum this morning because she can't have salt with her grits, her helper who is getting more and more exasperated by the moment, my mother who is selling her personal belongings one by one so she can buy an iPad with  built-in WiFi. My resume. And even my cranky husband. He'll be leaving me in a few weeks. A lot. Baseball season is right around the corner.

Come on. We all dream about it, right? Fantasize a little? A lot?

I wonder what made her snap. The thought of having to go home and put away all those groceries? Having to come up with a dinner menu, slave over a hot stove and serve it up, only to have her teenaged daughter ask, "Can I fix macaroni and cheese?"

I wonder if she has her mother-in-law living with her too.

Just imagine... walking out the door. Right now.

 OK. Wait I have to go pack a bag first. Need the contacts. And the glasses for when I need to take the contacts out. And need makeup because, can't go off on some tropical vacation without a little makeup. And need some makeup removers because, can't wear the same makeup for two weeks. And need deodorant, because can't go to the beach without it. And need a bathing suit because, well, I sure as hell ain't going to a nude beach. And some clean underwear because I might get into an accident. And I need my Kindle. And the charger. And the cell phone charger.

OK. Now I'm ready.

Now I've got to stop for gas. .....And some snacks, because it's a four hour drive to the beach from here. Something sweet. Something salty. Something to wash it down with.

Oh! Vodka! Can't leave without the Vodka! And the blue raspberry mixer. And the Mojito stuff I haven't tried yet.

OK. Now I'm really ready!

I'm getting in the car, driving to Florida, plopping myself on a beach somewhere, drinking lots of vodka with blue stuff in it, flirting outrageously with some hairless young bartender until I convince him he should rub my feet, sleeping until noon, staying up until dawn.
Alone. All by myself. No one talking to me. No one needing me. No one snoring next to me or hogging half the bed. No one calling me. No one arguing with me. No one knowing better than me. No tissues in the laundry or chewed up on the floor. No booster seat on the toilet. No goddam beeper.

OK. I'm going. Right. Now.

Aw who am I kidding? The farthest I'll probably get is Walmart. That's where I went the one time my husband and I had a fight. I walked out, slammed the door, peeled out of the driveway like a teenager and drove like a bat out of hell. The problem was, I had no where to go. So I went to Walmart for an hour or so. And didn't answer my phone the entire time.

Take that, world.

I don't think they knew I was even gone.

Peace, love and aloe

My face hurts. My shoulders hurt. And the tops of my knees.

My back is none too happy either.

But my soul is pretty darned happy because it -- I -- we -- got to spend one whole glorious day at the beach. Pensacola Beach, our favorite.

It was a quick little trip. Just two days. We left Friday evening in the middle of a monsoon that threatened to overflow my swimming pool and returned today.

In between we got our tweenage daughter out of her room, drank some beers, ate a good and greasy burger with fries, listened to a live band in the sand, slept on the world's most uncomfortable mattress in the world's tiniest hotel room with the tiniest bathroom, spent five glorious hours on the beach, reconnected with an old high school friend and her ornery parrot Peety, 

surfed the waves, increased our chances of skin cancer, transformed ourselves from regular people to boiled crawfish, checked out the island view from an eighth floor condo,
cooled off in a pool, took a nap, drank the world's best Pina Colada, ate the best spinach and artichoke dip ever, then ribs and steak, shopped in the tacky touristy shops, spent another miserable night on the world's most uncomfortable mattress, packed up the wet bathing suits and towels, shopped and ate at Cracker Barrel and headed home.

Call it a quicky.

A weekend away from not knowing what's going on at my own place of employment, from having to read about it in the pages of our rival, from reading the employment ads, from perfecting my resume and writing cover letters, from competing with my own office mates for the too-few jobs out there, from worrying about my future.

A whole day.

One perfect, glorious day of salt and sea and seaweed and sand and not enough sunscreen.

And love and togetherness and peace and quiet and calm.

And aloe vera.

Wordless Wednesday -- where I wanna be

Summer Daze

So,

On the first day of summer, Marty, Lora Leigh and I all sat down together at the dinner table. And we each made a list of all the things we wanted to accomplish.

I wanted to swim, read, watch movies and lose 15 pounds.

Marty wanted to lead his team to the Legion playoffs, knock off a few household chores and lose 15 pounds.

Lora Leigh wanted to swim, sleep, go the Insectarium, visit Bed, Bath and Beyond, and go see the movie, "Up."

Among other things....

We wanted to go to the World War II museum. That's been on our list for a long time.

I wanted to take Lora to Laura Plantation, where Marty and I were married. And I wanted to take her to ride a streetcar. They weren't around for a while after Katrina, so she's never been on one.

On the first day of summer I took us all out to Walmart and bought Lora a shiny new bike. I was determined that she would learn to ride it so that we could spend summer days riding bikes. That didn't happen. Hard to get a kid with a pool motivated to go sweat her butt off in a 124 degree heat index.

We did go to the Insectarium and to the French Quarter to visit my mom. We bought Pralines and strolled around. Then she dragged her dad back for a second trip to see the bugs. She wanted to go see the Cathedral on that trip, so they did.

But mostly we swam. We stayed up WAY too late and paid for it dearly the next day. We had our annual luau. We made our annual quick trip to Florida. We went to the movies. We spent hours in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

And we watched the days fly by.

Tonight we all sat down with our lists and pens and checked off all the things on our lists that we had done. Marty and I both still need to lose 15 pounds. Lora won. She actually accomplished the most.

I don't know how. Most days she slept til noon. Sometimes later. One day she woke up at 3. It got to the point that Marty would let her sleep just to see how long she could. She sleeps late because we often stay up WAY too late....

She's a night owl, like her mom...

But there was so much we didn't accomplish. And now we're out of time. School starts tomorrow. Tomorrow she becomes a third grader. And I am sitting here wondering just how that happened as well.



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